Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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