I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize