Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
