she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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