This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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