I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
