Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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