Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
