I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed