In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.