I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.