omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.