I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.