I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize