Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My nipple is on Facebook.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects