Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
