Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
