In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
