I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
