Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
