In the future we'll all be gay
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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