I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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