We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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