i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
