Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
