Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Enjoy the penises
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
