Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
