He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
