don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
