Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
