Swine flu. Run for my life!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
