remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
