Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
