What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
