VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
