i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
