I wish life had little blips of pornography
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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