in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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