like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize