do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
