Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
