Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
