So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
