Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
