i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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