so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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