May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
