He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
