theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
