I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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