Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
