Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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