There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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