What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
zippers are such a cool invention
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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