The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
