I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
5 Insecurities That Are Ruining Your Sex Life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nikki Haley Calls Jared Kushner A Hidden Genius—And Twitter Ain’t Buying It
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."