I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED