weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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