Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
