i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
