get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
