wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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