You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
