I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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