just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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