I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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