my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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