i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
