My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
