I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
