I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
