I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
