He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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