the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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